As everyone knows, Photoshop is a graphic software used by hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, or even billions of people. But practically all of them own a pirate versions of the program: There are only 3 documented cases worldwide of people who have purchased a license. It was long believed that, in fact they were 4, but Adobe finally confirmed at a press conference that they have only 3 different names at their records, although it is possible that some of them have purchased two licenses, that’s something that has not been confirmed or denied until this date.

Photoshop CS5, program recently awarded by the specialized press with the award “Program with the worst rhyme over the last 20 years”.

For a long time, the identity of these dudes have been kept secret, but reliable sources have revealed to this blog the identity of one of them. After intensive negotiations, the guy in question, which on this case we will call Peter to protect his identity, has agreed to be interviewed at home (blue: interviewer, maroon: interviewed).

• Hey, Joe, and thank you for granting this interview.
• You’re welcome. Is it free?
• Actually not. You have to pay me, it’s 500 euros.
• 500 euros? Damn, ok here you have them.
• No man, just kidding. It was a test to see if you’re really willing to pay for anything.
• Less jokes please, I have enough with my own issues.
• That’s what I wanted to discuss precisely. But let’s start for the beginning, how did this happened? Was it an accident, a drunk, or did you really knew what you were doing?.
• I don’t want to fool anyone, yes I had been drinking but, if that was the real reason, millions of people would now have licensed versions of Photoshop. I just downloaded the trial version, I liked the program and because I had recently being paid an extra job and some delays, I decided to purchase the license.
• You paid with card, I guess.
• Yes, that was no problem, I got the numbers and in no time I had my Photoshop with the corresponding serial number. But before I had time to enter the code, the house phone started to ring. I was just to lazy to pick up the phone, and besides I just had found the fittest position on my couch. But as they kept calling over and over again, I eventually picked up the phone and guess who he was.
• Was it Rome’s Pope?.
• Almost, but not. It was from Adobe itself, a very alarmed guy who told me that someone had just used my card to buy a Photoshop license and then he asked me if I have already reported the problem, I told him that there was a misunderstanding, because I bought the license myself. There I began to notice something strange, because the guy, without hanging up, told his colleagues that someone actually just bought a license, then I heard a background sound full of cheers, applauses and colliding crystal glasses, I would even swear that someone fainted down there.
• When do you realized of what you actually did?.
• Well, that same night. I started looking online, and suddenly I realized that I was the only person in more than 10,000 miles around that had paid for that program. I tried to cancel the purchase, but of course that was not just possible, and nobody picked up the phone at Adobe’s headquarters – I bet that they were all starting to celebrate.
• I guess it was a heavy situation for you to handle it by yourself.
• Well, at first I decided to tell my wife: I thought I would receive some support, but you won’t even guess what her face looked like when she realized that it was actually euros and not dollars. Just let me tell you that the next day when I woke up, she had packed all her bags and was already gone. That’s when I realized that this was going to be be my cross, and that I must kept it as a secret. I could not tell anyone, or I will have to face ridicule and rejection. But one day a friend came to my house and he saw the program by chance, then he asked me about how do I managed to crack or code the software. I went white as the wall, because I knew that if my friends found out the truth, I would become the laughingstock. Unfortunately I don’t know anything about cracks and codes, so I didn’t knew what to say.
• What a show, so what did you do to fix the problem?.
• I made up that a mutual friend cracked the program for me. I just couldn’t think of another answer. But that was bread for today and hunger for tomorrow, because after a while, another friend called me to ask me why I had invented the fact that he was into hacking Photoshop. I created another story but it was worthless, because it was just a matter of time before they join all the pieces and discover the truth. And finally, I have no reason to extend it: At the end I had to run away and move to live here, to … well, I will not say, of course.
• I must admit that is a very sad story: You lost everything for making a bad decision.
• Well yes, but in return I have gained a lot of friends Adobe, sometimes I call them for assistance, and of course, having only 3 licenses worldwide, I always catch it at first, because there’s no one calling. They always resolve all my doubts and often, we just ended up talking a little bit of everything, politics, football, gossip … In fact, the truth is that I made up a lot of excuses to call and look for a couple of conversation hours each evening, because as for Photoshop, I ended up using it about 20 days as much, and then I finished uninstalling the software.
• Only 20 days? then why did you not take advantage of the 30-day trial period?.
• Ah, but does it came with a trial period? Oh God. I just wanted to try to make smaller versions of my niece’s baptism pictures and then send them by email to my uncle’s third, and even that was not possible for me to accomplish. I ended up printing them and mailing it back, because with the almighty Photoshop there was no way, and in those early days I did not think about calling Adobe for assistance.
• And what about the other 2 buyers? Do you stay in touch with them?.
• I had it at first. Of course, we did not know by name but only through the license number. They had been through the same experience that I lived and they also did not even know how to use the program, so we took an online Photoshop lesson to at least take advantage of the software. But it did not work, because we had Photoshop installed in different languages, and each one of us wanted to take a class in our languages, so it was not possible to set up an agreement. It was a mess, that came to be like the Babel’s Tower, but in RGB. In the end we fought and we have not spoken since, I have heard that 001 has now a Paint diploma, and 002 goes around trying to sell his license, without any success, of course.
• A heartbreaking story of course. Thank you very much for sharing it with us. Is there anything else you would like to add before we end this interview?.
• Just send a greeting to license 001 and 002, that although we no longer speak, I wish them the best. And also I like to say hello to my friends in the licensing department at Adobe, who spend all day playing Minesweeper.
• The greetings have been sent.
• Therefore we have a myth: It’s true that there are people who have purchased Photoshop licenses. Soon, we will demonstrate the existence of other non-beings such as the mummy, the werewolf or honest politicians. Stay tuned to your screen, or go check your neighbor’s if you have no TV.

Disclaimer

This article was originally published in “Estable Dentro de la Gravedad”, we agreed with the author to translate it from Spanish, edit it and release it here at Webdesignshock for all of you to enjoy.

We all love Photoshop, it’s an amazing tool that since the day of its first release has been helping everyone to cover their design and edition needs.  We definitely encourage you to acquire original licensed products, because that’s the best way of making good karma and support the staff that’s behind the creation of awesome tools such as Adobe Photoshop; this is just a chill out reading that we released for all of you as a way to enjoy this Friday, hope you enjoy it.